your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
