Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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