My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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