So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
