You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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