I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
