his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
