Jerry, you need to find god
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so let's talk penis.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
