We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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