I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
