My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
