The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
