he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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