Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need a beard to bite.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
