eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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