Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
two words: eviction party
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
