Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
