Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
