Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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