speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
BRING THE BAGELS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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