We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
