ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
