Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
