went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize