I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
