i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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