The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
