Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
