White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
