watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
