she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
