my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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