tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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