Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
