Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
