Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize