could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize