that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
