Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she told me i tasted like america
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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