champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
