Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
