Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
