so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
