He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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