Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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