Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
