respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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