he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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