Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish they made helmets for livers.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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