i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
