I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
