the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
