Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
