i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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