the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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