We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
