I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
