So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
