it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
is wine microwaveable?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
