I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
