All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
