thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
