i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i would punch a child for taco bell
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
