Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Boobs speak an international language.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
