I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
