dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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