Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
