i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm both gender and math confused
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