OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
