I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
