Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Mom said you looked used
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
