we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
