Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
